Why Strength Matters More Than Fixing Weakness: What Sun Tzu Can Teach Us About Raising Children

By: Dr. Jian Zhang and Melinda Liu

As a parent and a lifelong learner, I have observed something that concerns me.

Too many parents spend an enormous amount of time and energy trying to fix their children’s

weaknesses.

If a child struggles with math, they are sent to endless tutoring. If writing is difficult, more

classes are added. If the child is quiet or different, parents try to reshape their personality.

The intention is good. Parents want their children to succeed. But the outcome is often

painful.

The child becomes exhausted. Learning becomes pressure rather than curiosity. Slowly, the

joy of learning disappears.

Over time, I have come to believe something very different: Great development comes from

expanding strengths, not repairing weaknesses.

Interestingly, this principle is not new. It appears clearly in the ancient Chinese classic The

Art of War.

Sun Tzu’s Strategy: Win Through Strength

More than 2,500 years ago, Sun Tzu wrote in The Art of War: Avoid what is strong. Strike

what is weak.

In Chinese strategic thinking, this idea is often summarized as 扬长避短 — leverage

strengths and avoid weaknesses.

A wise general does not fight the enemy where the enemy is strongest. Instead, they design

the battlefield so that their own strengths matter most.

Victory comes not from brute force, but from strategic positioning.

The Same Principle Applies to Human Development

Children are not meant to be identical.

Some are analytical. Some are artistic. Some are compassionate leaders. Some are curious

builders and explorers.

Yet modern education often tries to standardize them.

Instead of asking: What is this child naturally good at?, we ask: How do we fix what this

child is bad at?

This approach contradicts what Sun Tzu understood centuries ago: success comes from

leveraging strengths, not fighting in unfavorable terrain.

When a child spends most of their energy compensating for weaknesses, two things often

happen: confidence erodes and passion disappears.

But when a child develops their strengths, something very different happens. Confidence

grows. Motivation increases. Excellence becomes possible.

Excellence Lives in the Strength Zone

No one becomes extraordinary by being average at everything.

Great musicians develop music. Great scientists develop curiosity. Great leaders develop

vision and empathy.

Their greatness comes from doubling down on strengths.

Weaknesses should be managed—but they should not dominate a child’s identity or energy.

The goal is not perfection. The goal is alignment between talent, passion, and opportunity.

A Leadership Lesson for Parents

In leadership, we rarely assign people to roles where they are weakest. We build teams

based on complementary strengths.

The same wisdom should guide parenting and education.

Instead of asking children to become someone else, we should help them discover who they

already are.

Sun Tzu taught generals to choose the battlefield wisely. Parents and educators should do

the same.

Help children stand where their strengths can shine.

When strengths are cultivated, confidence grows, excellence emerges, and potential

expands.

Strength, when fully developed, becomes power.

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中文版

为什么扬长比补短更重要

从《孙子兵法》看孩子的成长

張建清博士

很多家長問我怎樣教孩子成功，我自己有兩個孩子，也曾經為這個問題做過很多思考。

作为一名家长和终身学习者，我一直在观察一个现象。

许多父母花费大量时间和精力，试图弥补孩子的弱点。

如果孩子数学不好，就不断补习；如果写作困难，就增加各种课程；如果孩子性格内向或

与众不同，父母往往试图改变他们的个性。

父母的出发点是好的，他们希望孩子成功，但结果往往并不理想。

孩子变得疲惫，学习变成压力，而不是好奇，渐渐地学习的兴趣也消失了。

这些年我越来越相信一个不同的观点：真正的成长来自发展优势，而不是不断修补弱点。

其实，这个理念早在两千多年前就已经被提出，它清楚地体现在中国经典《孙子兵法》中。

孙子的智慧：用优势取胜

两千五百多年前，兵法家孙子在《孙子兵法》中提出：避其锐气，击其惰归。

在中国战略思想中，这常被概括为：扬长避短。

真正高明的将领不会在敌人最强的地方硬碰硬，而是选择战场，让自己的优势得到最大发

挥。

胜利并不是来自蛮力，而是来自战略选择。

这个原则同样适用于人的成长

每个孩子都是不同的。

有的孩子擅长逻辑分析，有的富有艺术天赋，有的具有同理心和领导力，有的充满好奇心，喜欢探索与创造。

然而现代教育往往试图把孩子标准化。

我们很少问：这个孩子的天赋在哪里？反而更多地问：如何弥补这个孩子的不足？

但这恰恰违背了孙子的智慧：成功来自发挥优势，而不是在不利的地方苦苦挣扎。

当孩子把大部分精力用来弥补弱点时，往往会出现两个结果：自信心下降，对学习失去热

情。

但当孩子开始发展自己的优势时，情况就完全不同了：自信增长，动力增强，卓越才有可

能出现。

卓越来自优势领域没有人可以在所有方面都出类拔萃。

伟大的音乐家专注音乐，伟大的科学家专注探索，伟大的领导者发展愿景与同理心。

他们之所以卓越，是因为不断强化自己的优势。

弱点需要管理，但不应该成为成长的中心。

教育的目标不是完美，而是找到天赋、热情与机会之间的契合点。

给父母的领导力启示 在领导团队时，我们不会把人安排到他们最不擅长的位置，而是根据每个人的优势来建立团队。

教育孩子也是同样的道理。

与其让孩子变成别人期待的样子，不如帮助他们发现真正的自己。

孙子教导将领要选择有利的战场，父母和教育者也应该如此。

让孩子站在能够发挥优势的位置。

当优势被不断培养时，自信会增长，卓越会出现，潜能也会不断扩大。

当优势被充分发展时，力量自然形成。